We Are Losing the Art of Developing Relationships! (Part Three)
re·la·tion·ship (noun)
The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
Who do you really know?
Who do you really trust?
Who can you truly count on?
Those you really know, trust, and can count on are most likely your authentic relationships. In the final part of this relationship series we will explore the developing and cultivating of these critically important authentic relationships. Authenticity is becoming increasingly difficult to develop and even more difficult to sustain.
Actually, even coming up with a definition for an authentic relationship is difficult and any stock dictionary definition just doesn’t capture it fully. So, let’s attempt to define it by behaviors associated with authenticity and an authentic relationship. (You know it when you see it or experience it).
You know the relationship is most likely authentic when:
- Trust is established and continually shown
- Mutual success is defined and aligned
- You can count on that person no matter what the circumstance might be
- You hear and say, “How can I help?” a lot
- You get out of your daily world and into to theirs for a deeper understanding and connection
- Relationship and outcomes are equally important
The Strengths of Authentic Relationships
- They stand the test of time and adversity
- There is enhanced accountability by all parties
- They eliminate blame, justification, and excuses
The Possible Pitfalls of Authentic Relationships
- Ongoing time must be invested in developing and cultivating or else authentic will migrate to transactional
- Must assess if the targeted relationship and impact of that relationship warrants the significant time required to develop
Unfortunately, as we have outlined in this series of Leading Relationships, we are losing the art of developing meaningful relationships. We often let technology, social media, or others in our sphere of influence try to develop our relationships and connections for us. Don’t fall into that trap of mistaking communication for connecting, it is very different. Also, not all relationships are created equally, so understanding the definition of each type of relationship, its strengths and pitfalls will assist you when, where, and why you invest your very valuable relationship building and cultivation time.
Cornerstone Learning is a performance and leadership consulting organization that has worked with clients all over the world. Our focus is working with individuals and organizations to create performance solutions that deliver top-tier results by inspiring, enabling, and developing employee-led, leader supported, and organization enabled performance. We are able to successfully deliver this through multiple products and services such as employee surveys, online training, performance assessments, and performance coaching. The goal at Cornerstone Learning is to assist our clients in developing a dynamic and customized blue print to deliver role model organizational and personal performance.
We Are Losing the Art of Developing Relationships! (Part Two)
re·la·tion·ship (noun)
The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
In part one of Leading Relationships, we highlighted the transient relationship, the definition, strengths and pitfalls.
Our focus now turns to our transactional relationships. Eighty percent (80%) of all our business relationships are transactional, where both or all parties are focused on their interests and do things for each other with the expectation of reciprocation. The result is, often times, more important that the relationship.
The Strengths of Transactional Relationships
- Outcome and/or result focused
- Little investment of time to cultivate
- Most common and understood relationship
The Possible Pitfalls of Transactional Relationships
- Easier to place blame or point fingers
- Takes time in the beginning to define relationship success and to clarify roles
- Often miss opportunities to leverage collective strengths for mutual success
Transactional relationships are important and required since not all relationships can or should be authentic. However, to enhance your transactional effectiveness invest the time up front to mutually define success and clarify roles.
Next week, cultivating true and genuine authentic relationships.
Cornerstone Learning is a performance and leadership consulting organization that has worked with clients all over the world. Our focus is working with individuals and organizations to create performance solutions that deliver top-tier results by inspiring, enabling, and developing employee-led, leader supported, and organization enabled performance. We are able to successfully deliver this through multiple products and services such as employee surveys, online training, performance assessments, and performance coaching. The goal at Cornerstone Learning is to assist our clients in developing a dynamic and customized blue print to deliver role model organizational and personal performance.
We Are Losing the Art of Developing Relationships!
re·la·tion·ship (noun)
The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
It is incredible to think how developing, cultivating, maintaining, and leveraging personal relationships has dramatically changed just in the last decade. The ease of communicating is replacing the fine art of relating. Each of us now will receive over 35,000 messages a day, both directly and indirectly, from various input sources. In addition, did you know the average person speaks over 16,000 words per day!? Now that is a lot of communicating going on with potentially little to no relationship established.
This ability to communicate anywhere, anytime is the new norm no matter your generation, gender, work environment, or position in life or work. It is easy to lose the art and practice of developing relationships and rely strictly on communicating.
In this important series of blogs we will explore the three (3) types of relationships and how we can lead our way back to developing and maintaining meaningful and impactful relationships; moving past just the bits and bytes of communicating. We will highlight the strengths and pitfalls of each. It is important to note, that with limited time to devote to cultivating relationships it is important to recognize their differences because not all relationships are created equally! We have to focus more on those that have meaningful impact.
Lets start with transient relationships. This relationship type has exploded on the scene over the last decade or so due in part to the acceptance and usage of social media. Facebook, LinkedIn, SnapChat, et cetera, and those that will follow, have drastically changed how and who we communicate with. People range from having a few “friends” and “connections” to millions of “followers” depending on how you use these communication tools.
The Strengths of Transient Relationships
- Ease of contacting a large number of people
- Search individuals from the past
- Connect with people that have mutual interests or roles
- Good initial contact point
The Possible Pitfalls of Transient Relationships
- Can become a distraction and time-waster
- Easy to mistake for a deeper level of relationship
- Difficult to determine how real or genuine the connection is
- No commitment, little accountability to actions or words
Be cautious with your transient relationships, they do have their usefulness but can easily become another distraction that saps valuable time away from developing your more truly impactful relationships.
Next week in the series, leading your transactional relationships!
Cornerstone Learning is a performance and leadership consulting organization that has worked with clients all over the world. Our focus is working with individuals and organizations to create performance solutions that deliver top-tier results by inspiring, enabling, and developing employee-led, leader supported, and organization enabled performance. We are able to successfully deliver this through multiple products and services such as employee surveys, online training, performance assessments, and performance coaching. The goal at Cornerstone Learning is to assist our clients in developing a dynamic and customized blue print to deliver role model organizational and personal performance.
Lead Your Own Performance
During the last 4 weeks we have explored the opportunity to step up and stand out by leading your personal performance. In week one we established the key elements of performance success as clarity, alignment, and accountability. In fact, are you clear on what performance success is for you? Are you aligned with others on how and what is required to achieve that success?
In week two we provided a blueprint for success that can be used to guide your performance activities and success. Review your key awareness opportunities (organizational, situational, and self). Do you have developmental plans and actions to enhance your collective awareness? In addition, we provided key developmental focus areas such as eligibility, suitability and viability where you can set personal commitments and establish key expectations on progress and desired impact for each development area.
And finally connect regularly with your manager, coach, and mentor on your commitments, expectations and the impact. It is these regular and ongoing quick 15-20-minute performance connections that ensure accountability and progress. Never forget, it is your performance and your career, now is the time to lead your performance starting today, right where you are!
Sign up for our latest online course, Leading Performance! Out now!
Cornerstone Learning is a performance and leadership consulting organization that has worked with clients all over the world. Our focus is working with individuals and organizations to create performance solutions that deliver top-tier results by inspiring, enabling, and developing employee-led, leader supported, and organization enabled performance. We are able to successfully deliver this through multiple products and services such as employee surveys, online training, performance assessments, and performance coaching. The goal at Cornerstone Learning is to assist our clients in developing a dynamic and customized blue print to deliver role model organizational and personal performance.
Stop Reviewing Your Performance, Start Pursuing Your Performance
It starts with you changing your personal model for performance, even if you exist in an organization where the primary feedback process is a performance review conducted 1-2 times per year with 80-90% of the feedback focused on past performance and little time devoted to planning or developing future performance and potential.
To truly sustain that next level of performance success in this complex and ever-changing business environment it requires ongoing performance connections, not in just once or twice a year review cycles. In Leading Performance, these connections are employee led, not manager led, and consist of 15-20 minute conversations that establish an ongoing dialogue of forward feedback focused on performance clarity, alignment, and accountability. The goal of each performance connection is to ensure progress towards delivering your commitments and meeting the expectations you proactively set with your leader in each previous session.
With each performance connection, you should be engaging in discussion and development with your manager around gaining better organizational, situational, and self-awareness and enhancing your eligibility, suitability, and viability as highlighted in our preceding leading performance blogs. To prepare for these performance connections you can loosely use this ratio of time in your twenty minute discussions. Five minutes on progress since last connection. Five minutes on current opportunities and any barriers and your perceived impact to date. And the final ten minutes should focus on establishing and aligning your next steps of commitments and setting new expectations.
The goal of each performance connection is to ensure progress towards delivering your commitments and meeting the expectations you proactively set with your leader in each previous session.
If you struggle on what to discuss, here are a few examples:
Organizational, situational and self-awareness
Eligibly, suitability and viability
Personal behavior strengths and opportunities
Current and future potential
Teamwork and your impact
Your legacy and what you want that to reflect
From each performance connection, you and your leader should leave with greater performance clarity, complete alignment, clear accountability on your commitments, and an understanding of what to expect and future desired impact.
Lead performance, make your connection today.
Upcoming Posts
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OCTOBER 24 - Leading Performance Overview
Leading Performance Release Date
October 24, 2017
Cornerstone Learning is a performance and leadership consulting organization that has worked with clients all over the world. Our focus is working with individuals and organizations to create performance solutions that deliver top-tier results by inspiring, enabling, and developing employee-led, leader supported, and organization enabled performance. We are able to successfully deliver this through multiple products and services such as employee surveys, online training, performance assessments, and performance coaching. The goal at Cornerstone Learning is to assist our clients in developing a dynamic and customized blue print to deliver role model organizational and personal performance.
A Blueprint for Personal Performance
As we shift to leading our performance not waiting to review it, it is important to have a blueprint that guides our personal growth process. Your blueprint starts with establishing a firm foundation of greater organizational, situational, and self-awareness.
Organizational Awareness
How connected and aligned are you to your organization and departmental purpose? Do you clearly understand the vision and mission that you and your team are striving to achieve? Are you exhibiting the values set by your organization you serve daily?
These are critical questions that we need continually clarity and become growth opportunities for all of us.
Situational and Self-Awareness
As you gain greater organizational clarity it is important to enhance both your situational and self-awarenesses. How you respond to circumstances both in your control and out of your control is often the difference in contributing to a positive outcome or creating a negative result. Having actions and activities that enhance your situational awareness is imperative to gaining greater influence and impact. Knowing your strengths and acknowledging your developmental opportunities and actually working daily to stretch and grow both your personal capabilities and capacity are key to gaining greater self-awareness.
With your foundation created, now build your growth framework by establishing actions and activities that develop both your personal and technical eligibility and enhances your behavioral suitability. Don’t forget the behavioral development since studies have shown that 80-85% of success in a position is behavioral, not technical. As you continue growing both your eligibility and suitability also focus on identifying your true potential and make time each week to cultivate and accelerate your future.
80-85% of success in a position is behavioral, not technical.
Stretch your personal growth, dream bigger, reach further than you ever thought possible and most importantly don’t give up on development!
This blueprint for performance, once completed, will serve as your performance connection guide to assist you in leading your monthly 10-15-minute ongoing performance connections that we will discuss next week. If you would like more information on leading your own performance as well as a structured blueprint to help guide you, please check out our online course, Leading Performance, out on October 24th!
Upcoming Posts
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OCTOBER 17 - The Performance Connection
OCTOBER 24 - Leading Performance Overview
Leading Performance Release Date
October 24, 2017
Cornerstone Learning is a performance and leadership consulting organization that has worked with clients all over the world. Our focus is working with individuals and organizations to create performance solutions that deliver top-tier results by inspiring, enabling, and developing employee-led, leader supported, and organization enabled performance. We are able to successfully deliver this through multiple products and services such as employee surveys, online training, performance assessments, and performance coaching. The goal at Cornerstone Learning is to assist our clients in developing a dynamic and customized blue print to deliver role model organizational and personal performance.